


For Conversation

by mnemosyne



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 12:06:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5625994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnemosyne/pseuds/mnemosyne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tumblr prompt: Stormpilot prompt: Post movie. Finn decides that with [spoilers] it may just be easier to head to the outer rim like he had originally planned. No one will miss him. Poe finds out he's going to run and convinces Finn to stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Conversation

At least, Finn thought to himself, he didn't have many things to pack, no heavy bag that might give away that he was going for more than a night time stroll. From one pocket, he pulled out the box of meds one of the base's doctors had given him earlier, from another, a packet that she certainly hadn't. It wouldn't be enough to tide him over for long, but he was loath to take any more from the Resistance, who would surely need them more than him. He could go on through the pain, that was one of the perks of his training, and he allowed himself a wry smile at the thought he packed both tightly at the bottom of a bag he had borrowed – not without some guilt in the white lie – from Jess. There it was, one of the very problems. If he denounced everything he had been, all the people who he had studied, trained, sparred and fought with, maybe it would have been different. Not for the first time, he let the faces of his old squad spin into his mind. He didn't know if Nines and Zeroes were alive or dead. It was hard not to wonder if he was the only one who cared. The First Order saw them as tools, the Resistance as a faceless enemy, and there he was, no longer part of one, and, as recent events had made very clear, nowhere near yet truly part of the other. He couldn't stay.

The General had given him the news herself, had touched her hand against his arm, voice low with gentle resignation. She hadn't said that it wasn't her decision, but he could read it in her face, in the unhappy tightness around her mouth, in the way she had looked down and away before turning to him. The Resistance had decided not to trust him after all. They needed to turn him over, to unpick every atom of what made him up, to make him answer for everything they could possibly think of. In a way he could understand their hesitation, their desperation, but it didn't make it hurt any less. He wondered if Rey was part of it, if resentment bubbled under the surface for this near-stranger having been sent to complete a task for which lives had been risked and lost, if they felt their hope had been snatched away. He paused in his packing, throat dry, and looked around for the flask he had had earlier. Even the water tasted bitter now.

When he had finished, he allowed himself a moment to pause, to look around the room he had almost been able to think of as his, the room he had started to share yes, with Snap, with Poe, but at the same time, his own. Though the beds and floor were neat and clean, the detritus of each pilot's life was tucked all around, droid parts peeking from below Snap's bunk, half-straightened papers thrust into folders on the desk, pictures pinned to walls of people Finn didn't recognise. He hooked his thumbnail under one of the pins, then stopped. It was a sketch Jess had done, of him and Poe. In the simple lines, barely fleshed out, she had captured Poe's easy smile, and the way he stood, relaxed and watchful, all at once. He let his finger run down the curve of the pilot's cheek. What else, he wondered, had she seen when she had drawn him?

“Off somewhere?” Poe didn't wait for a response when he entered the room, and Finn grimaced, focusing on pushing the pin steadily back into the wall. He had hoped to be gone before he returned.

“Just-” he began. The noise of Poe sitting heavily on his bunk stopped him. He closed his eyes. “Just out. For a while.”

“Yeah?” The unmistakeable sound of a hand rummaging in his bag came from behind him. “You got quite a few rations in here. Camping trip is it?”

“Is that a crime?” Finn turned. Poe had pulled the half-open bag onto his lap. His eyes were dark, wide as he looked up at Finn, no attempt at hiding the accusation on his face. Finn could feel his face grow hot, his heart flip like it wanted to escape his chest.

“Without an explanation?”

"Do I need to give one?"

"Yes."

Finn almost laughed. “I know you're smarter than that, Poe. Don't play dumb.”

“Pretend I'm dumb.” Poe stood. “I don't get why you're running. You're not a coward, Finn, I knew that the moment I met you.”

“You don't know anything about me.”

“Enough to know that.” Poe ran a hand through his hair, slick strands standing every which way. “Enough to know that I'd like to know more.”

“Isn't that my decision?”

Poe shook his head, glanced away from Finn at something on the wall behind them, then back. His tongue flickered to wet his lips and when he looked back there was something unfamiliar, almost uncertain in his gaze. “Always, buddy,” he said. “Always.”

“So-”

“So, even so, I'd still kind of like it if you didn't leave. You're a good man, Finn. We need you.”

“Great. I'll just say that at the hearing. No need for questions, Poe Dameron thinks I'm all right.” He half-smiled, not even bothering to keep the bitterness from his voice. “I've had enough of being public property.”

Silence swirled around them, as heavy as a cloak, but he didn't move. It was almost a shock to realise how much he needed the other man to understand, to really understand, what this meant to him. Poe stepped forward, slightly too close. He nodded, slowly. “I hadn't thought of it that way.”

Finn shrugged. “Why would you?”

“Is it going to be any better somewhere else?”

“I could start over. Forget I ever was a stormtrooper. Forget I was with the Order. Nobody would know.”

“But you _were_ a stormtrooper.”

Finn's breath caught in his throat. There. That was the answer. He swallowed hard, not bothering to hide the disappointment on his face. He looked up, eyes fixed on the opposite wall. “Right. I was the enemy. How can _I_ ask the Resistance to trust me?”

“No, wait.” Poe reached out, one hand curling over Finn's elbow. “I didn't mean...” he sighed. “It's our problem, not yours. We should deal with it. Say the word, I'll march right out there and tell them all to back off. Hell, I'll tell them if they make you go do this, I'll _walk_.”

Finn stared at him, suddenly unsure. Some little voice in his head started whispering. He tried to ignore it, ignore the hope sparking from it. “You will not.”

“I'll do it. I will go ahead and I'll… maybe I won't walk, I can't walk now, but I'll... everyone's got a past, Finn. It makes us who we are. You shouldn't be punished for yours and I will tell them that.”

“It won't change anything.”

“Not if you run off before I get to try.” In the tilt of Poe's chin, the furrow between his brows, there was such earnest determination that Finn could almost laugh. He'd seen this face before, seen it on Rey, seen it on the General. His heart ached. He'd seen it on the faces of men and women who no longer existed in this world. Without thinking, he leaned forward, pressed his lips to Poe's. Only the briefest of moments passed before Poe responded, folding himself into Finn like he'd always been there. Finn's hand rested against Poe's waist, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. The pilot shifted, Finn felt his arms wrapping tight around him. When they broke apart, Poe did not release him immediately.

“Stay, Finn.”

“Poe-”

“Give me a day. Two days. Then we'll see.”

He studied Poe's eyes, the softness and the sorrow impossible to miss, and reached up gently, let his fingers splay over the curve of his collarbone; in the swift beat of Poe's pulse beneath his skin, there was a question. He wasn't yet sure what the answer was.

“Two days,” he said.


End file.
